Stunning Annoucement from Little Johnny Edwards!

Our former NC Senator John "Little Johnny" Edwards, who will be former Presidential Candidate Edwards on November 8th of next year announced that there is no War on Terror!
That's right, we can all sleep easier tonight, there is no threat from radical Islamic extremists!

He came to that conclusion sometime after he voted for military action after the 9/11 attack on America.
You know, the one that apparently didn't happen.
Kind of like the Apollo Moon landings. Or the Holocaust.
He undoubtedly showed up for the vote between appointments with his stylist.
His voting record while 'serving' our great state was less than stellar.
He typically missed over 70% of the roll call votes while in the Senate.

He was joined in this earth shaking insight by fellow candidates Sen Joe Biden "my time", and Dennis "The Menace" Kucinich.
And a former Senator from Alaska who remains unknown outside of his hometown.
Sen Hillary Clinton and Sen Obama both think that we are engaged in a war on extremist terrorists.
Unfortunately, they think that all of the terrorists are in the Bush Administration.

As for the Republican 'candidates' to date, they do agree that we are involved in a death struggle with extremism, to some degree.
Former NYC Mayor Rudy is solid on this count, but can't seem to decide whether he is a Reagan conservative, an FDR liberal, or the President of the League of Women Voters on other issues.

The rest of the Republicans that have declared to date are about as exciting as watching a bowl of cornflakes soak up skim milk.
Sen McCain, when he isn't napping, manages to alienate himself from a different key conservative group on a daily basis.
Mitt Romney? Just imagine hearing "President Mitt" every day for the next four years.
That's enough to kill his campaign.
The rest of them are simply there to balance out the stage during the early debates.

Speaking of early debates, the Democrats are showing real brilliance in boycotting Fox News.
That's right, the cable news network with the highest number of viewers.
I liken that to opening a gas station and refusing to sell your product to people with cars.
That would solve the energy problem, though.

It is going to be fun to watch candidates in both parties play C.Y.A. for the next 5 or 6 months.
With Al "Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me" Gore, and possibly Sen John F. (for flatulent) Kerry hanging in the wings on the D side, and former Sen Fred "L.A. Law" Thompson, and former Speaker "Newt" on the R as of yet undeclared, they are all running scared.

Gingrich is a brilliant guy, but even I may have a problem with the Commander in Chief having the name of Newt. Doesn't he have a middle name?
It would be fun to witness first time meetings with foreign heads of state, their translators trying to do justice to
"Hello Mr. Farouk-Billings-Morrisette, I'm President Newt!"
"What is he saying, he would like a lizard? These Americans are crazy!"

Maybe it's time for a viable third party.
We could name it in honor of my favorite thespian troupe, and call it "The Stooge Party"
Oh wait, we already have two of those, and two more similar groups in Congress.
Speaking of which, maybe Congress should forswear making fun of 'W's approval ratings.
Last week George Gallup had him at 34, and Congress at 29.
Under the old math, his was 5 points higher.

Someone please wake me after the election, unless we can have Ronnie Reagan cloned.
Or Dame Margaret Thatcher. (She's a bit advanced in years to run otherwise)
We'll even amend the Constitution for her.